I remember back in Form 4 when my Chemistry teacher ask about our ambitions....
Back then, I was so ambitious and aimed high...and I quickly point to my head and said...Neurologist....
Then along I went to IMU....harsh harsh harsh....almost blew o9ff what's left of me....I could only think of passing my exams, what more excelling....and then along came CNS....it was interesting...but so so tough....I didn't think I would do neurology anymore.....I just dumped the whole idea...and just concentrated on passing exams...
This time, after much hassle and trouble to get into Perth to do neurology....
It was a blessing, or should I say blessing in disguise?
I finally could see the satisfaction of becoming a doctor
And it really makes my heart smile for choosing to step into the medical profession....
Because I know I am here for a purpose, a purpose that no one could ever define...but just deep down I know I am here to make a difference.
Do I want to be successful or continue to dwell in pity?
I'll choose the former. Everything moves on no matter what, and nothing is gonna stop and wait for yus...might as well pick ourselves up and move on coz it might be too late to recover the days we've wasted on something so unnecessary when actually we could've moved on earlier and thus, progressed further.
From the day I asked myself this, I set my mind towards my goal. Hopefully *fingers crossed* I can achieve my goal.
I've never cried so much on my birthday before...omg....
But I have to say that this is one of the best birthday gift ever....
I'm so far away from them and yet this birthday gift felt so close at heart....
Thank you to all who has made the 23 years of my life memorable.... you know who you are :) Thank you for shaping and molding me into who I am today...(well, still got loads more to improvelah...)
And ya, I have to take time and smell the roses coz they don't bloom forever....
I can't write anymore...tears just keep pouring and I can't even see the keyboard and screen properly....
(had some problem embedding the youtube videos...hmm, will try and figure out later...)
Thank you Pui Fun for creating the video and I will always rmb our funny times together especially at Vista...thx for leading me into Christ coz since then, I've grown tremendously and have a better perspective of life....hehe...
Thank you Min for always being the first to call and taking care of me all theses throughout the years I've known you and you do know that I'll be always be there for you no matter wat happens.....becoz Love endures forever ~ 1 Corinthians 13 ~
Thank you Li Yann for being part of my life for the past 10 years and since accepting Christ together, I've seen that you've grown so much and we were and still would be a blessing to each other's life... :)
Thank you Zi Yun for the beautiful message...and yes, you are right....friendship is really not measured by the amount of time we've known each other but rather above it all it's the quality that really matters...thank you for showing me when's right and wrong because it is through that only I learn and really make me realize that reality can be harsh if I don't try to be independent....thx zizi....and I will stop and smell the roses :)
Thank you Valene.........I cried most after reading ur msg...coz it reminds me of the time we studied together during EOS 7...I would have broke down if it is not because of you....Anywayz, you're stronger and better than you imagine yourself to be, so stay strong girl!!!! U can do it and looking forward to see your smiles :)
Thank you Li Shan for being my MOMMY!!!! and the CAMERAWOMAN!!! haha....will always cherish those times we had in VIsta...always playing mahjong, yum-cha, playing cards with the rest of your gang - Lydia, Mustaqim and Wei Loong...you guys really brighten the Vista days...hehe....and thx for always taking care of us in Vista...miss ur green calculator Li SHan!!!!
Thank you Jan for being a true friend of mine along with Min...all these year's we've spent together.....I'll nvr forget them....I miss hanging out with the both of you TOGETHER!!!!! ahhhh.......but hopefully...after all of us graduate, the 3 of yus can sit on the same table and yak throughout the night :)
I still remember the days when I trod along those corridors so aimlessly. I felt down, tired, helpless. I marched with heavy steps and tears overfilling my eyes like how rain water overfills the gutters during downpour. No one to reach out to, I feel so doomed. But luckily I have You. I know I have to battle my emotions myself. But I couldn't have done it without You. Those days are over but my gratitude towards You shall linger. I really pray that the days ahead will be brighter and sunnier. I cannot feed depression. Neither can I succumb to it. Because my Father says "TAK NAK" to negativity.
Love, Sunflower :)
My child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you.
I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
I am familiar with all your ways.
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
For you were made in My image.
In Me you live and move and have your being,
For you are My offspring.
I knew you even before you were conceived.
I chose you when I planned creation.
You were not a mistake,
For all your days are written in My book.
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I knit you together in your mother's womb,
And brought you forth on the day you were born.
I have misinterpreted by those who don't know Me.
I am not distant and angry, but am complete expression of love,
And it is my desire to lavish My love on you
Simply because you are My child and I am your Father.
I offer you more than my earthly father ever could,
For I am the perfect Father.
Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand,
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope
Because I love you with an everlasting love.
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore,
And I rejoice over you with singing.
I will never stop doing good to you,
For you are my treasured possession.
I desire to establish you with all My heart and all My soul,
And I want to show you great and marvellous things.
If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me,
Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart,
For it is I who gave you those desires.
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine,
For I amyou greatest encourager.
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
When you are broken hearted, I am close to you.
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to My heart.
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes,
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love My Son, Jesus,
For in Jesus My love for you is revealed.
He is the exact representation of My being.
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you,
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled
His death was the ultimate expression of My love for you.
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.
If you receive the gift of My son Jesus, you receive Me,
And nothing will ever separate you from My love again.
Come home, and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.
I have always been Father, and will always be Father.
i'm dissapointed....just so dissapointed :( i should just forget bout it...
i dunno why...i know i shouln't feel this way...but i just am...argh
God will free me of this, He WILL!!!!
Anyways, went to basic doctrine today...
Then something struck my mind...
Mr Daniel Lim played a youtube video by Yasmin Ahmad (it received an award)...
Touching...
Then he asked us, "What would you be remembered for, if it was your funeral?"
I have asked myself this before while I attended my cousin's funeral not too long ago.
I asked myself, "What if this was my funeral? Will anybody attend it? Has what I done be sufficient enough to leave trails of memory, here on Earth? What would people here remember me for?"
I really do not want to live my life here with just the aim to pass another day. I do no want to wake up in the morning and fill the rest of the day with pure routine work....an not caring bout the rest of te world... There's so much I want to do, but I don't know i I'm called for it? I also dunno. Maybe,I really need to realign myself with God, so that I know what He wants me to do, to reach out for His glory.
Anywayz, I think I'll just have to let go of the matter at hand and learn how to enjoy the blessings of God. God Bless everybody!
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he wil also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I guess it all depends on what one's definition of falling is....
To some, it means losing your loved ones, losing money, not being able to perform in school or work, not being able to provide enough to satisfy the whims and fancy of your loved ones......
But to me FALLING means......
Straying away from God, straying from the path He wants me to lead, straying from whatever He actually wants me to do,letting unimportant things overwhelm you, when you really should be letting HIM take care of things.....
I FELL. And it was a wake up call for me. And I need the strength to stand back up. The video is right. The most important thing is to FINISH WELL. And it is important to focus on things that I can control rather than focusing on things that I can't.
P.S. : I woke up today feeling so down and depressed. I feel like crying. Is it God's call for me to come to Him?
i haven't heard emi fujita's songs for a darn long time. songs that i loved so much. just heard it from sabrina's blog. LOVE it so much. I miss those days when i play and replay her songs again. They just warm my heart so much. God Bless :)
I was reading Our Daily Journey today and I came across this :
"Success in life is measured by how many people actually do love you. That's the ultimate test of the way you've lived your life. " ~ Mike Wittmer
Not too long ago, I attended by cousin's funeral. Those close to me would know that he was involved in a freak accident. Imagine losing someone who is your sister's age. Haih. Really pity his family. But he returned to the Lord. His father is happy for him. I'm happy for Him too. That was a major comfort for me.
Somehow, I believe that his death is actually a blessing in disguise. The entire family received Jesus as their personal Lord and saviour after his death. My uncle is one who only sees truth through evidence and hard facts. And so does his older son. Spirituality or whatsoever just isn't in his/his son's dictionary. They are very much practical people, just as the world calls them to be. And for me, to be able to witness my uncle announce to everyone during my cousin's funeral that the entire family had rededicated their lives to the Lord just brings so much warmth to my heart.
This incident taught me a lesson, that I could lose my life at any second, any moment. Our biological clocks are ticking by the second, without us realizing it. Sometimes, death is imminent, unavoidable. It left me pondering for quite some time and I repeatedly asked myself these questions :
1. If I were to die today, what would be the one thing that I regret not doing? 2. If I were to die, would anybody attend my funeral?
1. And it dawned upon me that the one thing I regret not doing is not doing enough for the Lord. As a child of God, I have the duty to share with the world about Him, His words, His works...and so far, I don't think I have achieved anything close to it... :( And if I could live for another second, the reason would simply be : TO SERVE GOD
2. And I guess the answer to question 2 would be what Mike Wittmer mentioned (as stated above) kua.
I once had this conversation with a friend : Friend : What actually keeps us going in medical school/when we become doctors in the future is actually the fact that you know that you have touched someone's life, no matter how small a deed you've done for a patient. And when you know this, it really just makes your day. And I totally agree with him. Even a simple chit-chat can make a patient smile. And the fact that you know that you made the patient carve a smile no matter how scrawny he/she may look, it really does make your day. Well, it made my day at least! haha :)
So, all in all, one important lesson I learnt is that I have to live my life to the fullest and that is to be judged by GOD and no one else. These two phrases keep popping into my head recently :
1. This was during EOS 7. No matter how enthusiastic and how well you start the race, the equation sums up to zero if you do not end your race well. 2. In whatever that I do, I do not have to answer to anyone, except to GOD and GOD alone.
I realized that I am an enthusiastic person. However, in the process, I tire myself too much in the beginning, only to realize that I do not have enough energy and strength to carry on as I am near the finish line. And I regretted for not realizing this earlier. Haih. Hopefully I'll hold on to this reminder in the future.
And when sem 8 starts, I hope to start afresh. And everday, when I walk through that famous IMU walkway, I hope that when the breeze that always brushes lightly unto my skin, the sunlight which shines so ever brightly as the words "Hospital Tuanku Jaffar" etched in red looms near and when I look up into the vast blue sky, graced by wispy white culumonimbus, I would be reminded of God's presence and that He is in charge...and when I trod through those glass doors, I hope that I will be filled with so much peace and joy by the beauty of His creation that I drank in earlier...Just as what I have experienced on many days in the past... :)
Hunter Adams, the physician whose life story was the basis for the 1998 film Patch Adams, has spent his career encouraging doctor-patient relationships that rely heavily on the use of humour and play. Adams believes establishing this kind of connection with a patient is essential to improving their physical and emotional health.
Laughter and humour are an important part of life. The book of Proverbs says " a cheerful heart is good medicine" (Proverbs 17 :22). Generally speaking, all of us ould use more laughter in our lives.
While there's certainly a time of humour, however, sometimes laughter can be a disguise. People can actually appear to be extrememly happy, yet inside they feel like an emotional wreck. as a counselor, I;ve had a front row seat to people telling some og the most tragic stories of personal suffering, only to end by laughing about it. It's true. Sometimes laughter or making a joke is little more than a cover-up. We can joke around us as a way to hide from others so they won't take us seriously. And many of us have learned to play the clown and hide a lot of deep heartache behind our humour and wit. The book of proverbs says " Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when laughter ends, the grief remains" (Proverbs 14 : 13). Although laughter can mask the pain, the pain is still there and we need to address it.
There comes a time in everyone's life when we must face the heartache of life rather than hide from it. There's a time to turn our laughter into mourning (Eccletasiastes 7:3) and invite God to speak words of comfort and healing into wounded places of our heart.
Don't let phony laughter get in the way of the comfort and healing only God can bring. - Jeff Olson
Haih, sometimes I think this message applies to me. I may be all happy, smiling and portraying a cheerful personality on the outside, but sometimes it is just a facade to hide some of my heartaches....There are some heart-wrenching incidents in my life, and I choose not to face it and it's probably somewhere hidden in my hippocampus....and I try so hard to be with other people, so that I can take my mind of things and be happy....but I guess it's better to face it?
But, reality is so cruel and I dare not face it sometimes, so I choose to avoid. Not a very brave move, but I can save myself from the heartache for the time being. However, I know the BEST way is to FACE it and DEAL with it. But it's not easy. Haih. But when you're done dealing with it, it will feel so much better. Wished I had all the courage and wisdom in the world.
But, I'm happy. I know that God has prepared for me an exciting journey ahead. And the only person I have to answer to is God. Nobody else. So, as long as I live my life right with Him, I don't have to worry about anything or anybody. And I learnt my lesson. The most important thing is to FINISH THE RACE. Though no matter how well you started the race, but if you stumble in the end, all the effort is deemed worthless. Slow and steady wins the race. :)
P.S.- So many buts...that's my life, full of buts... Haiyo, it has been long since I posted up a happy post...hmm, shall get pics from others to cheer up my blog a bit!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
No matter how tough circumstances are, it just melts my heart to know that You are Near.
I opened up that white piece of paper and the results stared back at me. I am dumbfounded. And i dared bet with my friend about my results.
I totally did not deserve it at all. And there is only YOU made this happen. I made so many mistakes and yet YOU continue to pour your grace unto me. I did not deserve this and yet I know YOU make things happen because YOU love me. And I love YOU too. No matter wat the circumstances are, I will look to YOU because I know no matter how much the world fails me, I know YOU will never fail to look out for me. And I REALLY REALLY THANK YOU FOR THAT.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.
Rainbows appear after mighty storms whent things look their very worst. Just when the skies are darkest grey, look for the rainbow first.
The rainbow is a sign of God's promise, that He will guide us through any storm. That He will see us through all our troubles, no matter what their form.
When you feel battered by life's storms, and you are filled with doubt and dismay, just remember God's rainbow is coming - It's only a prayer away.
Sometimes my life sucks so much that I can't see beyond what I'm doing now.
I can't believe I let my emotions overwhelm me to the point I fell like I can't breathe. To a point I feel stuck and no where to go. To a point where i just end up in roundabouts.
I must STOP doing that. STOP. STOP.
Thank you friends for being there for me. You all know who you are :)
And to do myself, my friends, my family and my GOD a favour, I have to REPENT and CHANGE and REALIGN myself, for the better.
I have to rise up again and conquer my weaknesses.
But Obs is quite a tough hurdle.
EOS too.
I guess we have to see things from diff perspectives rite? A friend who smsed me today made me realized tat. And it is important not to allow circumstances / situations to frighten or torture you. I may be at my worst. But other people may have it worse.
Dead physically, mentally and spiritually. Was back at Seremban last Saturday, missed church and it has been hectic everyday since.
Yesterday's service was awesome. Really did refresh and strengthen me. Seeing fellow Christians around me and watching how they praise and love God touches my heart. Watching the kids performing little actions while worshipping makes my heart smile :) The speaker yesterday really did speak to my heart and no matter how difficult the journey ahead will be, I can always turn to Him. No matter what happens, I can always turn to Him. When everything fails, He will Never fail.
I really like paeds posting, I really do. Just that I'm not doing enough to do well in it. Haih, must buck up!!!
Was just growing through the older posts in my blog....
And I just realized how "strong" the posts were.... Did I even write those? And I just realized how much I miss my friends... :( And I know that I could've done more than what I am doing now.
I must remind myself of this vow I made earlier in this blog :
In times of difficulty, remember these two things :
1. Your purpose in life is not about scoring good results, strive for "earthly" excellence(fame, money and what not), be the best doctor nor it is about doing as much good deeds as possible to better your relationship with those around you. It is about GOD. If your relationship with Him is right, everything will fall into place.
2. Your life in the world is just temporary before we reunite with Him. Everything in the world will pass. So wat is the point of worshipping or dwell too much about earthly things when you know that these things will only hold during your lifetime in Earth? Isn't it better if we dwell in stuff in the world that will better ourselves in preparation of the eternal life we're gonna have after this?
I know these are not evidence-based. But my testimony of my walk with Him can be of evidence. And all I can say is that it is 100% faith-based. That's how I passed my EOS 5 without breaking down. These are the principles I hold onto everyday. I have to remind myself about these 2 things and life seems so much simpler after that. Clearer mind, clearer objectives in life.
My faith was at the "height" that time. And now it's beginning to wither. And clinical school should not be an excuse.
I can't believe I've grown so cold now. I hope it's not too late to change.
Continue to speak to me, Oh Lord. And I'll promise to try and fulfill the tasks you tell me to do.
My body feels weak, My heart feels even more feeble, but You told me to have Faith, You told me to be Strong, Because no matter what happens, I have You to fall back on, And this is the biggest encouragement, For me to carry on, Because I know that with Your strength, I will pull through, Through darkness/rainy days, I know You will be always looking out for me, If I continue to seek you with all my Heart and Soul.
I'm about to embark on a whole new journey with God...and I am about to pen it down right here, as a testimony for myself and benefit of others...( and sorta to revive my blog as well...hehe)
Here I go...
Date : 19/2/2009 Title : Watching For God Scripture : 1 Kings 18:41-46
Many a times, in the midst of our busy-ness, we shun God out of our lives. During the days when I have to go to the hospital, every other day is a mundane routine and struggle for me. I dread to wake up to the beginning of the next day and at times, all I want to do is just sleep, so as to avoid myself from thinking about the task and uncertaintiy that is gonna lie ahead of me.
Nevertheless, I continue to pray hard...pray and pray and pray and right now, I think I am beginning to see God's work in me. I begin to see the purpose of whatever I am doing and begin to realize that God has His own purpose for me.
Sometimes (actually all the time), to appreciate God's word, we have to open our heart fully to Him and wholly depend on Him. Next question is, "Would that make us totally dependent on Him?" I guess, we gotta be "selectively" dependent on Him (if you know wat i mean. We have to do our art to the very best and whatever we can't control, we leave it to Him. I've tried this many times before and guess what? He never leaves me struggling, He blesses me and shows me the way, in His own, mysterious ways...Bless the LORD!!!
If we fo not open u our hearts, minds, ears and eyes for HIm, we may end up like Elijah's servant in 1 Kings 18; not being able to reognize God's answer for us. We have to tune ourselves to God's frequency by consistently looking out for His word'works.
1 Kings 18 :44 ; A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea 1 King's 18 :45 ; Meanwhile the sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on... Only Elijah recognized that the small wisp of cloud was God's work at hand. Who would've thought that the small wisp of cloud would bring rain over the drought that has empowered Israeal for years? Only Elijah did.
In summary, this scripture has taught me two things : 1. The power of prayer (Elijah prayed and prayed for the rain to come) 2. Tune in with the Lord so that I can recognize his work/word
Thought For The Day : A tiny change can signal the beginning of a miracle. Think small!! - Jolynne Keough
There it is --- the journal from my Growth Journal...Hope that in future I would have time to journal...
Sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing what I'm doing now. There are other paths, why did I choose this? I hope to find the answer soon. And I know He has the answer. Hopefully I'll be enlightened with the answer soon :)
